[Submitted/published State Journal-Register]
I’m seriously confused over the whole Russian spy deal. First, they’re not being prosecuted for spying — the government has stated these people weren’t trying to steal state secrets or technology. So… what exactly was the mission? Can you imagine how their meetings went? …
Boris: “Comrades, let us be destroy US economy by trick government into guaranteeink stupid house loans, then bail out stupid broke banks with borrowed money from Chinese and go broke!”
Natasha: “Um, comrade – is already done by Federal Reserve and US Congress and President.”
Boris: “Oh. Okay. Good. Have new idea – trick people into buyink millions of cars that can’t afford, then car companies go broke so government has to buy stupid broke companies and go broke!”
Natasha: “Nyet. Already done.”
Boris: “Hmmm. Okay, Okay. How about trick government into addink hundreds of stupid new rules to broke banks and thousands of apparatchiks to broke government, killink small business people loans and bringink country to knees and go broke! Ha – good, yes?”
Natasha: “Da. However, a leetle late. Barney Frankski beat us to it.”
Boris: “Bah! What is left?”
Natasha: “I am not thinkink of what else. Obama just nationalize health care so they are havink trillion dollar anchors around neck.”
Boris: “Oh my Got – these people are communists! Let’s go home, comrade.”
… Well, maybe not.
But you do have to wonder what the Russians thought they could do to us that Bush, Greenspan, Paulson, Obama, Bernanke, the Fed, Congress, Sally, Fannie, and the rest of the gang haven’t already done to destroy our country. Thank goodness it’s only hopeless, but not serious.